look no pants
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He did a backflip because drugs
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