I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
