If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
