how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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