Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
