I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
