I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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