The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize