Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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