Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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