you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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