u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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