She said her name was "party"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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