Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
