Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
