be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
