Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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