I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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