Already got asked if we're dating
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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