I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
