worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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