The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
