Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
