I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
