He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
