Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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