...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
