The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
