He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
