lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
