why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
