singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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