writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
