if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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