I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
