He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
