I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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