i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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