i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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