you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
