Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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