Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
