She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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