Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
