Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
