i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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