I just pynch a tree in the face
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
pray to the hookup gods
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
