sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
