Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
