Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
