Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize