so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
