dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
