Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
