Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
