i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize