I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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