just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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