my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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