Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
