Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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