She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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