I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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