i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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