Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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