i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need a beard to bite.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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