My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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