it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
