I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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