Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
