i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
