Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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