Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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