remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
