you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
