We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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