There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
