I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
