Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
